The Parent Your Child Feels Safest With Gets Treated the Worst!

Let me say it again... The parent your child feels safest with gets treated the worst! I recently stumbled across a youtube video uploaded by Anita Ladhani a licensed clinical social worker titled "Did you know that the parent your child feels safest with gets treated the worst" and this video stopped me in my tracks. I have to admit I cried while watching it. For those of you that has a child who struggles with social/emotional regulation or behavioral issues you know why I would get emotional. It's incredibly difficult to navigate. Often times you're overwhelmed, overtired, and stressed to the max trying to make sure you're setting them up to be their best selves and while taking away from your own time to relax or find peace. Personally, I have so many services in place to help my guy learn how to manage, recognize, and regulate his emotions while displaying less behaviors. Honestly, managing all those professionals is like a full time job all by itself. I always laugh a little when they ask me "What are you doing for yourself?" Myself? Who has time to think about me when there are so many other things that need my attention? Now I fully admit that self care is extremely important. You can't be good for anyone else if you're running on empty yourself. But what do you do when you feel like you're pouring from an empty cup?

Let's get back to the youtube video. My children's father and I are no longer together. I am so blessed to have found a man who not only loves me but also loves my children as if they were his own flesh and blood. However, it doesn't take away from the damage their dad left behind. You can't expect someone to provide good social/emotional awareness and skills for their child when they don't even have them for themselves. My oldest son relies on me so heavily for his social/emotional regulation and to problem solve situations that he is unsure how to navigate. However, I am always the one who takes the brunt of his horrific behaviors and attitude. For a very long time I couldn't understand how a child who relied on me so much could be so awful to me. How many of you had heard your child utter the words "I hate you"? When I first heard him say that it broke me. I held it together in front of him but completely fell apart afterwards. Now I've learned that when he says that it's out of anger and frustration because afterwards he's always sorry. I always respond by saying "I'm sorry you feel that way because I love you very much!" It still stings everytime. Anita Ladhani's video really helped to put things in perspective. He behaves that way because he knows he's safe with me. He gives me his anger because it's too much for him to hold and he knows I can take it. He knows he is loved when he is home. It's certainly not fair but it speaks to the bond I have created with him. So parents... if your children are giving you a hard time but easier for the other parent just know it's because they know you love them. Take comfort in that and know that you are not alone.

Take a look at Anita Ladhani's video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3SLxxqlPJ4